Karma
by J.B. Writer
Summary: A Shinji, Rei, Kaworu fic! Shinji is a boy with the all too perfect life. But when dreams of angst and mechs conincide with the appearance of a strange boy and girl, will he finally see the truth?
1. Dreamscape

**A/N: **I just finished the entire Neon Genesis Evangelion series and I am now a bonefide fan boy! This is my first venture into this realm so I hope I do it justice. Any feedback would be great. I am only starting to sink my teeth into the heavy theological and psychological influences in the series. If I am wrong, please feel free to correct and debate with me.

Obviously this was influenced by the 'happy' part in the original episode 26 and the Japanese videogames/mangas when it comes to the universe I am using. But it isn't completely accurate so I know.

(Cue Cruel Angel Thesis!)

Zankoku na tenshi no you ni  
Shonen yo, shinwa ni nare...

Okay I'll stop for the sake of music. But before you read… OMG TEH REI! Have fun!

- EVA – EVA – EVA -

Fear.

Pain.

Suffering.

Those most vivid and disturbing of emotions stirred around the kettle of Shinji Ikari's mind, the boy seemingly as always alone in the darkness, flooded with the disgust of his own troubling thoughts. The Third Child was as still as a statue, being imprisoned in this metal casing filled of thick amber fluid.

_Am I… drowning?_

"_Dammit Shinji! Can you hear me? __Come on! You have to get up!"_

Shinji heard what the distorted voice had to say. But his mind wasn't listening.

_Golden, just like the sun._ He acknowledged the color dreamily, running his finger lazily across the thick liquid that surrounded him. This stuff was everywhere. Even in his… lungs.

"LCL," was what this soothing water was called. It was a liquid that would make breathing inside an airless environment possible. The idea of how that could be was a mystery. But the reasons Shinji knew of this information was even the bigger mystery.

_Where the heck am I? _Shinji stared at the darkened capsule that enclosed him, his hands attached to two glove-like controls against his seat. _The entry plug_ his mind whispered. Familiar feelings began to arise from within – the fact that this place really felt like a prison made that quite clear. Wherever he was, Shinji's gut feeling told him that he didn't want any part of it.

"_We have to abort this mission_!" He heard that voice again, _"He's going to get killed out there!"_

"Misato," Shinji muttered, recognizing the troubled voice of that strange purple haired woman that he had only met today. If only he could remember why and how.

WHAM!

"AGH! OH GOD!" In the most violent of shakes Shinji clutched at his face, feeling the horrification of something sharp being gouged viscously into his eye. It was like a knife… no… it was more like a spear.

"_Eject the pilot now!"_

"_W-we can't! The EVA is not responding to the signal!"_

Shinji heard the frantic conversation, but didn't really have time to dwell on it. The pain was too much. What was happening to him? Who was hurting him? Hell, what was hurting him?

_An angel?_ Yes… an angel. That's what they said it was… an angel.

Like a hi-tech transparent screen, Shinji's vision took its shaky course. Horrifically, the image of a gruesome clawed palm ejecting a spear from within itself repeatedly was the destination. Ikari tried to close his trembling eyelids, one already clutched, doing anything to turn away from this ghastly spectacle.

_Sachiel, _the name came abstractly into Shinji's mind in a whisper. _The Third Angel…_

"Angels…"

"_Shinji! Can you hear me? Please say something!"_

Captain Katsuragi's cries were met with a cold shoulder. Shinji couldn't say anything. His mind was in shock and his heart was pumping like a runaway train engine. Or what he thought to be his heart anyway…

Impaled!

Stabbed!

Pierced!

_The pain… _He couldn't take it anymore, Shinji crying out as he saw a river of blood drizzle down his eyesight, now finding himself blanketed behind a thick crimson waterfall.

_Oh my God…_

"_We have to get him out right now!" _

Panic. There was panic in his ears. There was panic in his mind. And there was panic in his soul. This pain was a lot more concerning than physical pain – at least it felt like that much more. Or did it feel that much less? _Confusion._ This was so confusing. Hell, this _thing_ made everything feel so confusing

_This thing…_

"Unit-1,"Shinji gasped. _Evangelion_. That was the name they used. Eva Unit-1. That was the name of this titanic biochemical contraption he was in. But of course that didn't matter. Nothing else ever mattered. Only the pain in his mind counted for anything. It was his pain to deal with and his pain alone.

_This is my job. That's why he told me to come here. To be alone, and to fight alone. That's what he wants. _Shinji reflected. This was all a set up. Shinji remembered it all. _He _forced him into this machine. _He _was the one pulling the strings and this kid was the puppet. All this pain was because of _him. _And the bastard doesn't even care.

_Father…_

"I-I have to get out of here." Shinji whispered pathetically. "I have to get out! Please… somebody… anybody… help me…"

Panic…

Desperation…

Anger…

**RAGE…**

Those blank angelic slits for eyes suddenly glowed like the heavens, Shinji suddenly feeling a jolt through his body with an energetic euphoria of revival. A bellowing roar could be heard from within that would shatter glass and bend metal, the armored-plated mask of the bio-mech creaking from the stress of its jaws being opened. There was no longer fear – only abhorrence.

"You…" A man stood before Shinji in abstract form. It was a man with glasses, adorned in a suit of higher prestige that just shouted 'I'm too good for you'. All of this complemented with a face as a cold as ice of the Artic itself.

_You never cared. No one ever cared about me. You ran away. You ran away from mom. You left me to fend for myself. _

**BERSERK!**

"FUCK YOU!"

"_Regeneration of the left arm confirmed! The pilot's synch ratio is going off the charts!"_

Soon the musky showers of battle rained down upon the streets of Tokyo in a bloody storm, the angel's life fluids being drained like busted pipes as its arms were torn to shreds. The Angel Sachiel shrieked, roared, and cried – the Evangelion channeling its anger through brute force and rage. Devastating kicks that shattered its spherical gem and a pair of clawed hands digging into the Angel's hide gave way to more spillage of amethyst plasma. It was now Sachiel that was the fearful of the beasts.

"_Shinji, finish it off!"_

The impacts of the strikes were deafening, the EVA relentlessly wailing away like a primal predator at its meal. And as the Angel soared back in a violent skid from a wicked shoulder charge that drove it straight through a skyscraper, Shinji was only beginning to be conscious of his surroundings. Hexagons… golden hexagons…

"_The Angel's A.T. Field! Oh my god, Unit-1 is ripping right through it like its nothing!"_

This EVA was out of control. Shinji was out of control. And as those amethyst claws dug into the chest cavity of Sachiel the boy began to feel desperation seeping through the Angel and into the EVA's hands. The Angel was desperate. It was ready to die. But it wasn't going to go alone.

_**DIE LILIN!**_

"_Self-detonation is eminent!" _

"_OH MY GOD! SHINJI GET OUT OF THERE!"_

Shinji gasped as in literal mille-seconds he saw everything instantly turn to pitch black, soon his entire consciousness fading in one brilliant flash of light. Floating, he was now at a place. A place where there was no more pain. No feeling at all.

_Shinji… wake up…_

"… Okaa-san?"

_Shinji… wake up…_

"Mother…"

_Shinji… it's time to wake up…_

- EVA – EVA – EVA -

"Oh Shinji..."

Snores.

"Shinji…"

More snores.

"Shinji!"

"Ugh," And with the unveiling of those sparkling brown eyes there was surprise and relief.

"Please wake up dear." A gentle nudge from the softest hand to his shoulder caressed him to a stir.

"Shinji you were already late for the first day of school. We don't want the same to happen again for the second day do we?"

The morning-grumped boy just scuffled, staying in this pleasurable place between slumber and complete awareness. It wasn't that he enjoyed tonight's sleep by any means. Heck, this might have been the worst night of sleep he had ever had. Dreams usually had a more pleasant feel to them if he recalled correctly.

"I'm not gonna wait on you forever." That sweet voice tried to sound mean but failed miserably.

_Mother… _Shinji's sleepy face broke a faint smile. _She's alive… b-but of course she'd be alive…_

"It was all just a dream," Shinji muttered, stuffing his head into that fluffy pillow. "Or a nightmare anyway…"

Shinji Ikari was relieved but more flabbergasted than anything. He couldn't believe that those images in his mind tonight were all just some dream. That mech. That skeleton faced monster. Those voices. And most importantly those feelings. They all felt so real.

_Whatever happened to the usual dreams?_ He mused with eyes closed. _Well then again, Misato sensei was there. That sure as heck isn't new._

"Shinji, come on, I have no time for this." He suddenly felt a bop on his rear. "Wake up!"

"Eeeek!" Those dark eyes opened up lazily towards a sight that made him smile softly, "Hey mom?"

"Yes dear?"

"Night night," The mocking snores came after, the boy covering himself in his bed sheets defiantly.

"Ha-ha, very funny young man, now get your rear out of bed." The brunette mother giggled in her chef's apron. "You've got 10 minutes and then it's out to breakfast you hear me?"

"Yeah yeah yeah I hear you." Shinji Ikari teased his mother with that childish indifferent tone. Yui Ikari was used to this by now, being an experienced parent of 14 years. But even then it was always an adventure in Shinji Land. And as Yui rolled her eyes, strolling out the door while glaring at her son, she gave him an amused headshake.

"Sometimes Shinji I really don't know what to do with you."

"Same here," Shinji replied like the smartass he was, tossing off his sheets and stretching in his white undershirt and Fruit of the Loom boxers. Yui just sighed hopelessly, giving Shinji that look of impending doom all mothers gave. It was one of those looks that would make anyone uncomfortable really.

"What? I'm up!" Shinji defended, getting up and scratching himself, walking over to the mirror to examine his messy bed hair.

"Oh it's nothing," Yui laughed, "I just remember the times when you were really young and so obedient." She paused in thought. "You just loved your Transformer underwear back then." She made a funny face scrunching up her nose. "It was so adorable."

"Gah!" Shinji scowled with red cheeks. "M-mom…"

"Oh what's the matter?" Yui pouted. "None of your friends are here to be so embarrassed."

"Yeah Shinji!" A party-hard feminine voice rang loudly, making Shinji do a literal 180 and collapse, "There's nothing to be embarrassed about. Lots of boys love cartoon characters sewed on their whitey tighties."

Glaring upside down Shinji let out a pathetic breath, first seeing those dressy black shoes, then that greenish schoolgirl skirt. As Shinji's eyes strolled up, those smug emerald eyes complimented that fire red hair as always. The girl he knew since kindergarten hadn't lost her cuteness or her feistiness a bit since then. And that was a fact.

"ASUKA!" Shinji gasped, turning red and stumbling to a stand. "What are you doing here?"

"Well I got done with breakfast early and I thought we could walk to the bus together today." The red haired vixen smirked. "That is if you aren't too busy reminiscing about under garments and stuff."

"Ugh, wait for me in the living room." Shinji scowled. "I haven't even showered yet!"

"Aw Shinji-poo needs to get showered and dressed?" Asuka teased quite expertly. Experience with this was far from an issue. "Want me to help you find your underoos? I bet we can find those old pair of yours. Which Transformer was on it? Optimus Prime? Megatron?"

"Grrr- both of you OUT now!" Shinji screamed, Yui and Asuka laughing with their sparkling womanly charms fumigating this room of embarrassment.

"Nice to see you as always Asuka dear," Yui greeted.

"Likewise Mrs. Ikari," Asuka made a little curtsy with her schoolgirl outfit. "Mr. Ikari let me in quietly to surprise you two."

Yui made a warm face of amore from the mention of her husband. "I hope Gendo was good company."

"Of course he was good company. He's a complete gentleman."

"That he is."

_Gendo, father, _Shinji thought_. He was in my dream too. But it didn't seem like him. _He strolled through his drawers for the usual outfit of white and black. _Then again, I didn't seem like me either._

"Oh that husband of mine. Always trying to surprise me," Yui blushed. "I swear last night was so romantic I could have just-"

"Ahem!" Shinji interrupted as he walked by. "Can you please not talk about that kind of stuff around me? Ick!"

"Hehe, I'm sorry dear."

"Jeez, I wanted to hear." Asuka rolled her eyes. "Oh grow up Shinji. It wouldn't hurt for you to learn a little about _romance_."

"Whatever," Shinji just gave her the tongue as he stomped out of the room. The two strongest women figures in his life just had their teasing amusement with him like always. And once again the dark haired boy left as embarrassed as can be, Asuka rubbing those 'wounds' in salt by mumbling something in German that probably was something to the effect of 'He's such a clown'.

With a shake of the door Shinji pulled the slide away, closing it as he turned on the shower head. The boy striped down to his birthday suit, blinking as he stared at his reflection in the mirror. That whole mother/best friend poking fun episode was over and now his mind could wander.

Whether that was a good or bad thing was the question.

_Usually dreams about beating up monsters in mechs are fun aren't they? _He reasoned. _Being the super hero is always fun… _That cold stare in the mirror was relentless. _But it sure didn't feel that way._

_Loneliness._ Shinji felt loneliness. He experienced sadness. His mother was gone. He hated his… father. It was those feelings in the dream that stood out so much and disturbed Shinji's mind to the point of anxiety. It felt so damn real. He felt so bare. It was almost as if he was a hallowed out version of him – only an empty shell. He was making way too much of this… wasn't he?

_Ugh, you definitely have one weird imagination. _The silent pause his reflection gave him said it all. This was total bullshit. Why couldn't he get over this simple dream? A nightmare – that was all it was.

"You're stressing over nothing," Shinji slid into the shower, sliding the curtain over, letting those warm raindrops from the showerhead splash against his face, trying to wash away these unnecessary thoughts in a heavy does of shampoo and water.

"Heh-heh, Skull faced Angels and super mechs," The boy grabbed the shampoo in a nervous tap, running his soaped hands into his hair. "Way too funny… I so need to get out more."

- EVA – EVA – EVA -

The breakfast of champions consisted of a strawberry Pop-Tart and that always wonderful and famous batch of Yui Ikari sunny side up eggs with a side of rice. Unusually, Shinji was actually quite quiet at the breakfast table today even with his best friend Asuka there. Sure the boy was on the short end of a few cheap verbal shots but he was so out of it that even a Fruit Loop to the head didn't seem to get him out of his daze.

A kiss later on the cheek and Shinji waved his mother bye with that usual quick mommy/son seeya tonight moments. He didn't get a chance to see Gendo today. His dad left early for work. On other days it wouldn't have bothered him the least bit. But today it did. The feeling of a bitter relationship between one of his parents was just something that would and should be prodding him repeatedly. For Shinji this was more like a stabbing sensation.

"Hey dazed boy!" a small pebble whacked the boy in his back.

"Ow!" The pain stung a bit, Ikari turning back to see that red-haired ball of fury grinning. "What was that for?"

"Finally, a reaction!" The girl gasped. "I've been insulting you for a good 5 minutes now."

"Oh," Shinji blinked. "And I'm uh… really angry." The boy informed half-heartedly, continuing this long thought-filled stroll to the Tokyo-3 Station bus stop. Asuka showed it in her facial expressions. Scowl! She had had enough of this ignorance. This girl was not one to be ignored! Never never never ever!

"Alright, tell me boo-face, what's the matter?" Asuka investigated like the curious girl she was, kicking a few stones down the sidewalk as she did. "Why so quiet?"

"Um, I thought it'd be a nice change up I guess." The fibulator said. "I think we both need to learn how to just, chill out and quiet down sometimes."

"AND WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN SHINJI-KUN?" Asuka's eyes almost turned demonic. "ARE YOU SAYING I'M SOME SPASTIC MOTORMOUTH?"

Gulps!

"I-I-I meant nothing of it! Forgive me almighty Asuka!" Shinji mumbled nervously, sweatdropping as he gave a chibi smile followed by hand waves.

"Hmph, that's better." She latched onto his arm walking along. "Now tell me what's wrong. My woman's intuition says you're full of grade-A BS at the moment."

_Woman's intuition, ugh, darn that thing! _Shinji blinked. Asuka always acted so damn sophisticated. Then again, a girl with her figure and smarts would and should try to act a bit more mature. Whatever the word "mature" meant these days anyway…

"Asuka," Shinji kept looking forward, speaking as reluctant as can be. "You ever… had a dream that you swore felt more real then when you're actually awake?"

"Oh my God I've heard this before!" She exploded, scratching her chin in thought. "That movie... Yea, with that horrible American actor that says 'whoa' all the time!"

"Huh?"

"The Matrix!" Asuka pointed victoriously. "Am I right? Or am I right?"

"…"

"Aren't we playing name that movie quote?"

"… Baka," Shinji mumbled, walking off in a perturbed manner. Asuka giggled as she chased after him.

"Aw come on Shinji, I'm just trying to cheer you up." His best friend smiled, those piercing eyes being batted at him. "Besides, what's the matter? You've been having these 'all too real' dreams?"

"You could say that."

"Are they about me?" Cutesy smile.

Sweatdrop. "N-no," he gasped. "What do you think I am some kind of perv?"

Asuka just rolled her eyes and gave a foot tap. "You're a guy. You're all perverts."

"Nice generalization." Shinji scowled. _She's so damn right! _"But… b-besides it wasn't that type of dream." He whispered, running those images through his mind again. "I felt so… alone, yet I truly felt that it was me. Almost like… another me."

The images were so clear in his head that the doubts of them 'not' being just some random whacked out dream arose again like a resurrected volcano.

"Shinji," Asuka blinked, staring into his blank eyes. "You know you're not making any sense right now right?"

"Of course," Shinji stared back with an annoyed face. "If it was that easy to understand I wouldn't be dwelling on some stupid dream. It's just I don't even know why this is affecting me."

There was a pause as Asuka patted his head.

"Calm down Shinji, like you said it's just a dream." Asuka comforted.

"Dreams don't stick with me like this." Shinji blinked. "But nightmares," blinks, "… I don't even remember the last time I had a nightmare."

Asuka wasn't expecting such a dark turn in conversation. These two never had heavy conversations. Most fourteen year olds around here didn't.

"Well, Freudian logic says that maybe you're holding a repressed emotion in. Maybe that's why it's bothering you so much. That dream or whatever it was… maybe it's just a way of saying, let me out."

"M-maybe. But I've never experienced that kind of sadness in any of my dreams." Shinji countered. "Then again…" he began to look around, "Do I even know what sadness and loneliness is? I don't even remember the last time I truly felt-"

"Of course you do!" Asuka interrupted. "Remember when you asked me out on a date in sixth grade for the first time? And then I got sick and we couldn't go?"

"Uh, sure," Shinji rolled his eyes, remembering the days of schoolboy crushing on Asuka. As beautiful and talented as she was their relationship just didn't work out when it was more than a best friend level. And while Asuka probably didn't see it that way they were only friends.

_Thank God..._

"So of course you were lonely and sad then weren't you?"

A small grin came over Shinji's face. He remembered that fun night of girl chasing with Toji down the largest mall strip Tokyo-3 had to offer. Rejection was the usual result but a few phone numbers were definitely slipped in. That wasn't a lonely night for sure. But obviously Shinji wasn't going to tell her that. No more bops on the head today.

"Of course," Nervous laugh, "But I'm being serious Asuka." He paused. "I felt… depressed. And I mean, thinking about it. All these years of existing, have I ever really felt depressed? I mean I love my life. I love my friends and my family. There's nothing to be depressed about… there was never anything to be depressed about."

"Well Shinji-poo then there's no need to bend your self into a pretzel over this." Asuka batted her eyes. "Although, you haven't gone pass first base with me yet," he patted his rear. "That could make guys plenty depressed. You sure you didn't dream about me?"

"Yes," He spoke through gritted teeth. "I'm sure."

Asuka's giggling and teasing was just getting to be like an old re-run of that classic TV show 'I Love Lucy'. It was amusing but damn it was getting annoying. Maybe it was time to return the favor.

"But Misato Sensei was in it though." Shinji grinned, making a funny dazed face on purpose. Slobber… slobber… slobber…

Horrid Gasp!

"Gah! You sick pervert! She's like way too old for you!"

"No she isn't." Confident smile. "Age is of no concern."

"How dare you dream about her instead of me? Why I oughta-"

A screech later and the school-bus officially stopped. Unlike yesterday these two were on time and with a playful smug grin Shinji walked into the bus first, handing the driver his bus card ID with a simple swipe. Ms. Asuka Langley Soryu followed bitterly making angry faces towards that snug bastard.

"What a jerk," She grumbled swiping her card a bit more fervently than her male counterpart. The two sat down next to each other Shinji staring at her amused.

"So you can tease me but I can't tease you?"

"Silence _arschloch_," Asuka stuck out her tongue, crossing her arms while looking away. "I am not speaking to you."

Shinji only chuckled at his moody best gal pal, the two of them putting on their headphones simultaneous as the battle of who could be more playful in this silent treatment started. As the techno beats began to run through the earphones, Shinji sighed.

_What the hell do I have to be depressed about? _He glared out to the city of Tokyo-3, watching people with their smiling faces, not a one of them frowning. Shinji twitched a bit, beginning to stare out at the world he had known for so long a bit confusingly. An epiphany…

_Does anyone have anything to be depressed about?_

- EVA – EVA – EVA -

Tokyo-3 Municipal High School! Home to the smartest and most intellectually gifted children in the city! A place where pre-high school students would engross themselves in the wonderful world of Calculus and Advanced Psychology. Some grumbles should be expected. Soaking in information came with the student occupation after all. Then again, the eight grade class didn't have it all too bad.

"I wonder what Ms. Katsuragi will be wearing today." The only person who would audibly convey every other male's thoughts said it quite nonchalantly.

Everyone knew their teacher was obviously a bombshell. And Toji Suzuhara wasn't one of those guys that would let that go vocally unnoticed.

"Typical Toji," Kensuke Aida chuckled, adjusting his glasses as he was tinkering around with his laptop, searching for the best deals on Anime DVDs he could find.

"Hah, you know you're thinking the exact same thing bro." Toji hollered, sitting back against his seat, resting those Nike sneakers upon the desk in front of him.

"I think every guy in this room is thinking the same thing honestly." The self proclaimed tech junkie of the group said. "Don't you think so too Shinji?"

Awkward pause.

"Uh Shinji?" Toji took his own swing and miss.

Shinji had no time for reality obviously, because his 'false' reality apparently was a bit more concerning and interesting. The dark haired boy just sat as dead as a doorknob, breathing his only proof of existence as he stared at the blackboard with yesterday's notes. Classes only started yesterday, so most of what was written down was introductory things like the teacher's name and syllabus requirements.

'Ms. Misato Katsuragi' read the blackboard.

_That even sounds like a Captain's name._

"Yo Shinji? Anybody home?" The sound of his best male buds screaming into his ears made him fall off out of his desk, the entire class laughing at his best impression of being a buffoon.

Scuffle.

"Dude, you are so out of it." Toji chuckled, watching as Shinji scrambled back onto his desk blushing to ease the pain of looking like a complete knucklehead.

"Yea," Kensuke smirked. "Probably daydreaming about Ms. Katsuragi weren't ya?"

"I-I was not." Shinji lied, looking away from the laughing students. "I'm just, trying to go over my notes."

Oh the dynamic duo of the Aida and Suhzahara connection. These two may not look it, but they were quite amored of trying to read people's minds. (Accuracy not a concern of course) Kensuke and Toji just gave each other smirks as they returned their Shinji glares like synchronized detectives. Asuka obviously wasn't going to let this go on any further.

"Don't even bother stooges." She scowled, brushing her hair. "Baka Shinji is just acting all quiet and lonely for attention!"

"What?" Shinji gasped. "Am not!"

"Are too!" Asuka shoved her nose in his face.

"Am not!" Shinji replied in the same way.

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are t-"

"Uh oh, the married couple strikes again!" Toji teased, the classroom again bursting out with laughter. Shinji and Asuka stared at their classmates literally doubling in size as steam shot out of their ears.

"WE'RE NOT A COUPLE!"

"Whoa whoa whoa," The class suddenly turned heads while that cheery voice shot through the hallway door. "Am I missing another episode of the Shinji and Asuka show again?"

The students only got egged on harder to laugh, Shinji and Asuka twitching as they sat down, faces as red as ripe cherries.

"Well hello there class!" Misato Katsuragi greeted with a wave, smiling like a total babe as she pulled those cool shades off.

"Konichiwa Katsuragi Sensei!" The males all droned dreamily as the females just rolled their eyes. Asuka's reaction obviously being one of the most annoyed. So what if the teacher had a bodacious bod and wore really short jean pants? She was way hotter than that purple haired bimbo!

"Alright class, settle down, we got plenty of work to do." The pretty professor began pulling out her things, of course the males getting their own show as she bent over to retrieve the role sheet.

Behind all the slobbers, Shinji wasn't really interested in Misato's figure at the moment. His concentration was on her voice. That oh so strong voice that a leader would obviously need. A Captain…

"Okay, Aido Keiko?" Misato yelled out to her troops.

"Here!"

"Anno Kazuchika?"

"Present!"

"Ayanami Rei?"

Silence.

"Ayanami Rei?"

Chirp.

"I guess she's not-"

BOOM!

"HOLD IT! I'M HERE!" Suddenly a push of pure air shot through the class, a blue haired dart of a blur scooting to her desk with a large smile. She sat in front of Shinji in a spastic tumble, sitting as till as a statue soon after… only to start kicking her legs back and fourth.

"Be here when I get here next time Ms. Ayanami."

The girl nodded, breathing heavily snacking on a rice crispy treat she had. She turned to the boy behind him and smirked cutely.

"Sorry, but you're not getting a show today Ikari." She smirked, not wearing that usual schoolgirl get up with a skirt, but now a green jacket and some long jeans.

"H-hey! For the last time that wasn't on purpose alright?" Shinji said in his defense, recalling that _interesting_ run in with this new transfer student yesterday. "And YOU bumped into me."

"Yeah, well ya didn't have to stare." The red eyed cutie pouted, snacking on her snack. Shinji grimaced, he couldn't reply there. He liked what he saw and he couldn't lie about that.

"Oh shut up you blue headed bimbo, it wasn't his fault." Asuka as always backed up her 'man'.

"Oh why don't you shut up, and stop protecting your husband. He can take care of himself. He's a big boy..." She turned to a blushing Shinji, "Aren't you?" Rei teased, only to have her head poked harshly by the bodacious teacher.

"Coming in late and disturbing the class, not a good start Ms. Ayanami."

"S-sorry Katsuragi Sensei." Rei nodded, slapping on that mega-grin. "I'll be a good girl."

"I'm sure you will…"Questionable glare. "Ikari Shinji?"

"Here." Shinji muttered blinking as Rei snuck in a playful smirk as she turned to grab a pencil out of her bag.

_This girl is so weird. I've never met someone so damn hyper… and cute at the same time._

Soon the role call was complete, the teacher smiling as she stood before the class, all students having her attention, especially the lesser of the sexes.

"Okay as you all know we had a transfer student yesterday in the form of the lovely Rei Ayanami."

"Mmhmm!" Rei giggled, giving a supporting thumb's up. "And don't ya'll forget it!"

"Yea, lovely sure." Shinji heard Asuka mutter with arms crossed, laughing a bit himself. Asuka was always jealous of girls that contended with her attention and Rei, like Misato, had the tools to do so.

"Well today we've been blessed with having another transfer student." A figure walked into the class, instantly thestudents going totally silent. Or at least that's how Shinji felt.

The person that came in just demanded full attention.

"Class, I'd like to introduce you to Kaworu Nagisa." Misato smirked, the boy adorned in a uniform shirt and long black slacks returning everyone's glare with a pleasant smile. With hands in his pockets he chuckled a bit as it was the girls turn to do the swooning and slobbering.

"Kaworu…" Shinji muttered to himself under his breath, staring at those eyes. Those… red eyes…

Red…

"_I've been waiting for you Shinji Ikari."_

"_Kaworu… I don't understand. Why are you making me do this?"_

"_Please Shinji… kill me… that's the only way you can live on."_

"_No, Kaworu… I can't… please don't make me do this"_

_Kill me…_

"_No…"_

_Kill me…_

"_NO!"_

"Well hello there," Shinji just shook out of that near blackout, looking up to see the most kind facial expression of grays, whites, and red he had ever seen.

"Uh… h-hi." Shinji gulped nervously, still a bit dazed from that anxiety attack he received.

"Is this seat taken?" The red eyed boy asked, setting his things down slowly.

"N-no it isn't." Shinji said, blushing from his spastic act. "I… sorry if I seem a bit-"

"No, it is understandable," Kaworu replied. "The second day of school should be a bit uneasy." That smile radiated from that handsome face, bringing Shinji to a reluctant smile. "My name is Nagisa Kaworu… but you can just call me Kaworu." He extended his hand.

"I… my name is Ikari Shinji," the two shook hands, Shinji feeling the most calm feeling at first touch. "But you can just call me Shinji."

"Well, it is very nice to meet you Shinji," Kaworu grinned pleasantly squeezing his hand. "I hope we can become great friends."

"I… hope so too." The dark haired one replied shakily in a blush.

"Alrighty," Misato began to write on the board, "Since we're all acquainted now may we start class?"

"Anything for you Ms. Katsuragi." Toji muttered, drooling, only to get a playful shot to the arm by Asuka in annoyance.

"Kaworu…" Shinji muttered again. It was truly amazing. The way the light from the window was glaring off of him. This kid looked like some sort of…

Some sort of…

_Angel?_

"Angel…"


	2. Cloud Connected

**A/N: **Sorry for lateness. The worst writer's block, plot indecision, and other fanfic troubles created it. I will finish! That is a promise! But for those who thought this was just another "school" a/u story? Guess again! It was hard to make this chapter satisfactory in my eyes for what I had in mind. Prepare for vintage Eva ambiguity.

EVA - EVA - EVA

People like you,  
You live in a dream world.  
You despise the outside.  
And you fear the next one.

It's in your dream.  
There's just one question.  
Should I **kill**?  
Or should I be left behind?

Sick and tired.  
Of all your complaints!  
This is the hour,  
We bring it down.

You seem to be so introverted.  
How come we fail? With all that is given.  
You crossed the line.  
You remembered my name.

Time runs backwards,  
As long as you are heading that way  
I've come to realize.  
With every little glimpse you fade.

I was told that I could fly.  
Oh when its least expected,

Cloud Connected

-- In Flames

EVA – EVA – EVA

The alarm to NERV headquarters rang so loudly. It was the noise of the ear piercing kind. The sound of workers dashing to their posts would be the next most notable racket, a distant second place for sure. Shinji's peaceful slumber was awoken by the audible onslaught. There was now a realization. And it wasn't one of those good realizations either.

Sleeping against a cold wall definitely wasn't the most comfortable of places.

"Oh my God Shinji! What the hell are you doing?"

"Gah!" Our black haired child suddenly felt someone yank harshly on his arm, nearly cracking a few joints.

"Shit, this is an emergency and you're still taking a damn nap?"

"A nap?" Ikari squinted, staring up at the furious face of a purple head. Wasn't he just in school? Talking to that pale boy with the gray hair?

_Red eyes... _

_What was his name?_

"Sorry, I-I don't even remember sleeping." Shinji retorted. "I thought I was in school-"

"School's over!" Misato slammed that thought shut, Shinji soon finding some unusual looking garments in his hands. "Here, put these on."

"Uh, what's this?" Shinji finally took time to notice who he was talking to. "Kitsaguri Sensei?"

"Sensei?" Misato sighed, blowing those purple bangs of her hair away from her face annoyed. "Ugh, Shinji stop fooling around. Get dressed and let's go!"

"Get dressed?" Shinji scowled. "In this skintight thing? No way!"

"STOP ACTING UP AND DO IT!" Misato's face was crimson red.

"Geesh! Okay!" Shinji gasped, seeing a spot in the corner to change, the result of smart thinking. The confused boy turned submissive dove into the curtain, beginning to attempt to put this tight concoction of a jumpsuit together.

_Talk about fashion statements._

"The Entry Plug is ready for you." The captain said in a rush, "Now hurry that butt of yours up!"

"Yes ma'am!"

_Oi... What the hell is an Entry Plug?_

"Wait," Shinji smirked. It was a confident smirk. This felt familiar. Just like the other night. Lucid dreaming.

_I'm dreaming?_

"Entry plug... makes total sense," Shinji zipped up that red and blue jumpsuit, the air pockets shooting out, that material now skintight against his body. The boy walked down the hallway, technological jive shouting from people's mouths that he could only _dream _to understand. Everything was so familiar. Yet it wasn't. Just like the other dream.

_I'm a mech pilot. And my consciousness feels like a pendulum. Ugh, why couldn't I dream of like, a bunch of girls-_

"Well Third Child," The feisty voice hissed. "Running a little late too are we?"

Shinji turned, eyes shooting out of their sockets as he eyed this firecracker up and down. It was Asuka. And a damn hot looking Asuka. That crimson jumpsuit clutching against a shapely body like that would get that reaction in a heartbeat.

"Asuka," Shinji smiled. "I was wondering why we were in these suits. But wow, you look... great."

The boy expected a warm welcome. A smile. Some sort of counter compliment. This was his best friend after all.

Hmph, yea right.

"Shut up Third Child!" Asuka shouted at him, Shinji leaning back as it seemed if his best friend went Godzilla on him. "You can stop these little mind games. You've impressed these simpletons recently, sure. But I'm going to be the one putting on a show today got it?"

"Um," Shinji scratched his head. "Can we head back to the start here? Why are you calling me the Third Child? I'm an only child. Hello?"

Asuka twitched. "Oh shut up! You wanna play cute? Fine! See you on the field!" The red-head waltzed down the hallway with a hmph, taking Shinji's innocent questioning harshly.

_Jeez, what was her problem? _

_It's like she hates me. Ugh, she can't hate me in my own dream!_

"Must be that time of month," Shinji willed himself to walk on, entering a large room. And as much as this Asuka shocked him with that jumpsuit this sight had even a bit more shock value. Just a bit.

"Mecha," Shinji gasped, eyeing the giant lavender machine in front of him. Those two demonic looking eyes glared right back at him, an empty feeling just shooting up his chest.

"Let's go Shinji," A few workers began escorting the confused pilot.

"H-hey wait up," Ikari-kun suddenly caught blue hair, pale skin, and a fragrance of a freshly picked rose. It was Rei. And if Asuka looked great? Anyone could say the same about the girl with the blue locks.

"Ayanami! What's going on?" Shinji yelled out, only to be forced away. The girl turned slightly, her eyes seemingly dead, no shine in them at all. Ikari's eyes narrowed, the boy looking at that depressed face. This wasn't right.

_Depression..._

_This isn't making any sense. This isn't a dream!_

Rei simply closed her eyes, a turn of her face and then she was off towards her own mech to the far side.

"Wait!" Shinji's cries were for nothing, the boy soon finding himself inside a capsule. "What the hell? Let me out!" The workers aided, or more like forced the boy in, shutting the door. The darkness was here again.

_What's wrong Ayanami?_

"Okay you three, you all remember the plans." Shinji heard Misato say through a speaker.

"Naturally," Asuka answered.

"Affirmative," Rei nodded.

"... Uh, sure?" Shinji finished only to receive sweat drops from all around.

"Good, now get out there and let's take this angel out." Misato prepared to give the signal. "EVA LAUNCH COMMENCE!"

"Whoa!" The feeling of the weight of the world pounding down on his body was what came after. The seemingly eternal sensation of being crushed did actually have an end though, the Ikari boy now staring out to a city that he dwarfed. Shinji nodded in the consciousness of his own dream. Every second he was aware he was soaking in this reality.

These trinity of Evangelions were about to take out an angel.

"Angels." Shinji glanced around, pretty much ignoring the conversations about this mission. He turns to his left, the video monitor of Rei popping up, her emotionless stare burning a hole in Shinji's comfort.

_You're not the Ayanami I know. _

_Same with Asuka._

_This is MY dream. I'm gonna change that._

"Let's go take down this Angel and get out of here. Me and Kaji have a date!" Asuka exclaimed proudly if not fibbingly, Eva Unit 2 swooping off with rifle in hand. Rei's Evangelion followed, Shinji letting his instinct take over trumping along with his bio-mech.

The titanic trio approached their target. Shinji was in his own world as Misato continued to give out commands. Reposition, flank, corner the angel. Ikari heard none of this. He just kept staring at Rei and Asuka, wondering why they were being so cold towards him.

But when he did peer up to see what he was up against, a chuckle broke from his lips.

"This is the big bad angel?"

Obscure. The large spherical monster hovered like a mammoth of a battle station, the ink black cutting out any light from coming through it. Everyone else seemed so scared. Shinji was just rolling his eyes at this obsidian and white swirled monster.

"So this is it huh? This dangerous angel is nothing but a floating rubber ball?"

_**Leliel.**_

"Since when have you got so confident?" Asuka's tone was as insulting as it got.

"Always have been," Shinji grinned, Rei and Asuka just blinking repeatedly at one another on screen.

"Keep your minds on the mission." Misato reiterated.

"There's no mission," Shinji geared up for battle, this mech piloting so familiar to him now. "I'll go blow this ball up and we can all go back and get this moody girl stuff straightened out. This is a man's job anyway."

"A man's job?" Asuka growled. Shinji smirked at Asuka, turning to Rei who was still as emotionless as a wall.

_I'll impress all of you._

"Shinji stop!"

Shinji didn't' even give it a second thought, Eva Unit-1 jumped out of cover firing at the sphere with his high caliber power rifle. The AT Field was cancelled but things didn't really go to plan. The bullets shredded the shadow yes, only to go through it. The Angel wasn't that ball. It was… below. The darkness.

"What the Hell?" Shinji yelled, suddenly seeing black goop of tar consistency coming up from under him, a biting cold that would numb him following.

"SHINJI!"

"What's happening?" Shinji felt the goop cover his face, the ooze leaking into his lungs. The pain began to eat away at the numbness. "T-this isn't what I want... my... dreams."

_I'm dying._

_I'm reawakening._

_I'm reborn._

EVA - EVA - EVA

"Yo Shinji-kun."

_Awoken?_

"Yo Shinji!"

_My reality?_

"Out of my way you idiots. It always takes a girl to show you guys what's up huh?"

PINCH!

"OW DAMMIT!" Shinji growled with fury. "Sheesh I'm awake! I'm awake!"

Ikari rubbed against his reddened pinched flesh, eyeing his 'attacker' angrily. Ms. Soryu wasn't having any of this. She was about to give him another pinch for this trouble.

"Don't give me that look babe." Asuka grinned so teasingly. "Just because Kensuke and Toji weren't brave enough to do it doesn't mean you gotta be angry at me. Besides, since when were you so easily tired?"

_Tired? Confused._

"Ugh, I dunno." Shinji held his head, his memories like scrambled eggs.

"You've been uh, drinking too much Shinji?" Kensuke blinked. "Too much 'sake' here and there?"

"Sake?" the now apparent 21 year old nodded. Those clueless eyes began to scan up and down his body, an aging of about 3 years seeming to have taken place. Was he going insane? Honestly he had no idea. Was this reality?

"Get your act together guys, we got one more song and the show is ovah!" Toji reminded, spinning a pair of sticks in his fingers.

Asuka nodded along. "Yea, Shinji. Let's get this done alright? Then you can pull this innocent confused BS later."

"Wait a minute, song? Show?" Shinji eyes rolled over his surroundings. He noticed a few odd things. Like how all of his friends, including him were in total grunge wear. Torn jeans, dripping wet hair, chains in and out of pockets? You name it and they had it. But strangest thing was the instruments. These weren't the violas or cellos that he had become accustomed to.

Guitars.

Drumsticks.

"A band," Shinji suddenly heard roaring as if on cue. It was the roaring of 60,000 Tokyo fans. Apparently these young adults were backstage at a concert. The _Evangelists_. One of the top heavy metal bands coming out of Japan.

"You hear that? They want an encore!" Asuka head banged, strumming on her unamped crimson red Paul Reed Smith guitar. "You ready my six string partner? I've been showing you up on the solos all night."

"Solos? Uh… y-yea," Shinji glared down to his own purple and green guitar, strumming some chords he remembered in his many cello lessons. While everything was so alien, the feeling of a musical instrument in his hand instantly brought back faint memories. Music was always a huge part of his life. Whoever put out the money for his classical music lessons must have been REAL proud. This was his comfort zone.

"We're rock stars aren't we?" Shinji prodded.

"Well we definitely aren't some marching band." Toji nicked Shinji with a drumstick to the shoulder. "Come on Ikari! Stop being so out of it. Once Rei's ready we're going finishing this sucker off."

_Rei?_

It was synchronicity. The girl with blue hair walked out from backstage, water bottle in hand for those vocal tender chords. Shinji went quirky getting lost in those red eyes as she came up to them with that sexy strut.

"You guys ready!" Rei showed her pearly whites, grasping onto Shinji's shoulder.

"Oh yeah!" The three not bedazzled band mates replied.

"Ayanami…" Shinji whispered.

"Uh… Ikari." Rei giggled, mocking his whisper to perfection. The girl leans on him, jumping up and down a bit as adrenaline was running through her like wildfire. With a microphone in hand she was obviously the front girl.

"You're not sad." Shinji muttered.

"Sad? Of course not silly," Rei's lips suddenly found his cheek. "We're going to finish this strong, and then I can show you how _happy _I can be tonight alright?"

"T-t-t-onight?" Shinji turned ghostly white after being totally red from that kiss, literally falling over like a two ton brick.

"Ugh, do you really gotta do that to him every time?" Asuka brushed that crimson hair annoyed.

"It's fun." Rei replied, pulling her apparent boy toy up. "Let's go my six stringed baby. We gotta a crowd to please."

_My reality..._

_Is this my reality?_

EVA - EVA - EVA

Adrenaline. Shinji's body was full of it, excitement and concern coming in the form of sweat that was dripping from his forehead. His mind was getting back into it but even he couldn't figure out where the courage to perform in front of 60,000 plus people went. Everyone else was so calm and in their element. Especially Rei.

She seemed so opened and enlightened. Shinji was happy for her. But deep down inside there was something screaming out to him that made him concerned. This was too... perfect.

"Oh Tokyo." Rei's voice echoed through the stadium speakers. "I thought we told you to go home!" The crowd only boos the teasing thought. "Oh come on, aren't you guys tired at all?"

NO! Was the loud reply from plenty of fans.

"But we've run out of songs to play." Rei smiled over at Shinji, holding his hand as she continued to play to the crowd. Ikari grinned back, hiding his questioning as he glanced over to Asuka who was pumped up to go.

"Well, I guess we can find ONE more song." Ayanami poked Shinji's nose with the mic. "What do you think love?"

_LOVE?_

"I… I… uh…" Shinji gulped, answering quite flatly. "S-sure…"

His band mates laughed, thinking this was some joking reply. The Shinji they knew was a confident suave kid. This must have been an act. It had to be.

"Tokyo, are you ready for one more?" Rei asked as they began to walk out, Toji slamming on his bass kick as the crowd responded with a roar. Shinji stared on with beady eyes as he entered stage, the lights making everything seem like such a blur.

Shinji remembered. That's how his life was now. One big rock star blur. All the admiration in the world. All the attention he could handle. His happiness? It all lied in what these people thought of him.

This was what he always wanted.

"Shinji start playing!" Shinji heard Asuka yell out as she was slamming those distorted power chords. Ikari went quirky, spazzing as he looked around. Soon the scales and the melody came naturally, muscle memorization was key.

_Key_

_C-Minor_

There was structure but there wasn't. Everyone was so open. Energy shooting out from the band as the crowd was eating it up like candy. This wasn't some 'nice' concert. This was a metal concert. Mosh pits. Music that hurt the ears. And a band that let their emotions hang on their sleeves. They were named the Evangelists, but this was anything but a Christian rock band.

This wasn't a Puffy Ami Yumi crowd that was for sure.

"Dang Shinji, you really are out of it aren't you?" Kensuke yelled into his ears, the bass player chuckling as his fingers played away

"A little bit yea!" Shinji replied with a needed shout, watching on as Asuka took the lead with a solo, Rei mingling with the crowd with high fives.

"Don't worry," Kensuke shrugged. "Like Toji said the crowd isn't looking at us anyway! Not when we got girls like those two up front!

"Y-yea, heh, right!" Shinji found it in himself to chuckle, getting more into the groove as the song was at midpoint. As aggressive as this show was, everyone within the band seemed so happy. They were together as one unit. And with every beat and riff emotions were being lifted away from their chests.

Happiness in emotional freedom.

_This has to be the way things are._

Emotion. There was so much angst in their play, anger as well as euphoria that was being let loose in lyrics. But Shinji kept asking himself the same question over and over as he strummed those strings.

_Where is the emotion coming from? The anger? The sadness? The happiness?_

The red eyed girl turned, winking towards Shinji, brushing her blue hair aside. Shinji could only fake a reassuring smile back at her.

_Just who are you to me Rei Ayanami? _

He catches a glimpse of his mother, and other friends cheering him on. Shinji looks around a bit more. His father isn't anywhere to be seen.

_Just who am I to myself?_

EVA – EVA – EVA

An after party that would shame all after parties. The hottest Tokyo club was sponsoring the band's party, their last show of their 2015 world tour just ending with one hell of a bang. Anyone who was "anyone" in the Tokyo spotlight was here, drinks being served faster then you can say 'you got served'. Shinji, unlike the norm, was one of the more laid back of party goers, sitting at the bar, still soaking in this... life.

"Hey Shinji hun," Ikari blinked as a sauced up Rei was leaning against his neck. That blue hair brushed so slightly, making him shutter.

"How come you're so quiet?" Rei muttered, hugging the young man.

"Tired." Shinji said, tired of trying to explain his state of mind, staring down at the red eyed woman of such mystery. She holds onto his hand, seemingly partied out and exhausted.

"Me too."

"… Are we, a couple Rei?" Ikari whispered, the girl looking up and smiling. There was a pause, the angelic grin radiating for quite a bit before any reply was made.

_Angelic._

"If you want us to be." Rei whispered back, pecking him straight on the lips. Ikari twitched, freezing up, eyes swirling before he finally pulled away out of surprise.

O.O

"Whoa, things are getting too hot over here." Asuka timely came in, smiling suggestively as Shinji and Rei blushed their way to a silence. "Sorry to interrupt but the manager wants to say something to us."

"Manager?" Shinji asked.

"Shinji! Asuka! Rei!" A sight that made Shinji quirk a few times came into view, the purple haired girl draped in Hollywood vibe attire with the sunglasses and all taking his full attention. "You all were wonderful!"

"Of course Misato," Ms. Soryu's arrogance flowed like lava from a volcano. "You shouldn't expect less from a band led by me."

"Oh Asuka I know that," Misato grinned grabbing the younger girls in soft headlocks. "You and Rei were wonderful." Cue the awkward after thought. "Oh, and Shinji and the boys were great too."

"T-thanks," Shinji rolled his eyes, only to get a nudge from Rei as Toji and Kensuke were being swarmed with a large group of girls from across the club.

"Anyway I got a person you all need to meet," Misato motioned with a wave of a finger, soon after a man dressed in a business suit coming in. He had pretty boy hair, dark eyes, and chin stubble that would just annoy anyone with a shaving pet peeve.

"Kaji Ryoji." The man said before Misato could even introduce him, strong arms wrapping around own Kitsuragi's waist. He made a pleasant face towards our Evangelists. "You guys put on quite the show tonight. Very impressive."

"I told you they were something," Misato shoved the sexually advancing predator off, rolling her eyes. "This is Mr. Ryoji, he's-"

"A talent scout from MTV U.S.A." He took Asuka's hand and laid a kiss on it. "We're interested in getting you guys some exposure in the Americas."

"No way!" Both of the girls went agape, Shinji just nodding along as the feeling of euphoria didn't come. It was hard to be happy when it felt so empty inside.

"Yes way!" Misato giggled. "And we actually have some MTV representatives here for an interview."

"GAAH!" Rei and Asuka were ecstatic.

"So if the two lead ladies of the band would just follow us, we can start on this promotion ASAP."

"Let's go!" Asuka was already off, so excited that those heart eyes for Kaji weren't even that noticeable. Rei held Shinji's hand with a gentle squeeze.

"I'll see you later tonight?"

"I'll be right here in all likely hood." Shinji-kun smiled, motioning for his apparent girlfriend to take off. Rei and Asuka were off to do their press, letting our boy of destiny sit alone and to himself. For a rock star like him? It seemed so unusual for him to be used to being alone.

"Alone in the world," Shinji took a glass of alcohol, some champagne holding it reluctantly.

_I have everything. Yet I have nothing._

EVA – EVA - EVA

A few minutes pass. Shinji didn't even find it in himself to take a sip. Something was bothering him. It's bad enough when you're depressed. The fact that he didn't even feel like himself was like another knife to the back.

"The great Shinji Ikari." He heard a voice, almost not even turning out of negligence. "You put on quite the show."

"T-thanks," Ikari said in the most bored tone. That is until he let himself look up, nearly jumping out of his seat. "Kaworu!"

"So you do remember me." The casually dressed boy sat next to our startled Shinji, looking around in a fascinated fashion. "It is sad to see us part ways after tonight. It has been a great time."

"Y-yea," Shinji nodded. It was replenished memories. Kaworu Nagisa was the lead singer and guitar player for his band _Tabris_. They were the opening act ever since this tour started.

"We had a lot of experiences. I appreciate all the guitar tricks learned from you." The soft spoken yet eloquent boy spoke, not fitting the description of the other characters in the bar. Shinji didn't know what it was. But this young man seemed so honest in his demeanor. He hadn't felt that in so long.

"I'm flattered." Shinji's eyes perked up. "I remember us speaking a lot beyond jazz scales though."

"Of course," Kaworu patted his knees, looking out towards the exit. "And if you wish to speak more, shall we go outside? It is a bit, stuffy in here."

"... I totally agree. Let's jet."

The outdoor air was cold but not too cold, just enough to be a refreshing breeze to anyone who was inside that hot sweaty dance club. The two young adults walked side by side, on the rooftop of the building, watching the starry night as they did. A few cars drove by, a bunch of Tokyo girls glaring out their windows.

"WE LOVE YOU SHINJI!" They all screamed out, those party girls fading off into the distance. Ikari just chuckled weakly out amusement, soon going back to a stone faced stare to the ground.

"They admire you so much." Kaworu had his hands in his pockets. "It seems everyone does."

"Yes, it seems that way."

"Yes... seems. Everything never is quite clear cut in this day and age is it?"

"... No it isn't." Shinji's alertness shot up a notch. "Truth is Kaworu, I'm having a hard time with dealing with... myself. I don't know what's happening to me."

"Something wrong?"

"That's just it." Shinji's openness towards Kaworu seemed so natural, as if they shared a bond in a prior lifetime. "It seems like... everything is more then alright. But... I just don't know."

Sympathetic eyes followed.

"... It is just a way of thought my friend." Kaworu coaxed him down with that calm voice. "Human minds are so... selective. I wonder about it all the time. Just relax and you'll be okay."

Shinji sighed, walking next to the curious eyed boy. "I feel like I'm staring into an empty world Kaworu. I just wonder if everyone else is seeing what I see. And what I see, while it's all I want, happiness, and care... it doesn't feel right. It feels wrong."

_Pilot the Evangelion. Or lose everyone's love and respect. This isn't unconditional love._

Shinji did not know if what he was saying made sense, but it needed to be heard. Kaworu was more than understanding.

"What one person sees, that doesn't translate to another person's view." Kaworu added. "So to truly understand one another should be everyone's goal. It takes time Shinji."

"I don't see why we have to understand one another to be happy. Happiness is all that matters isn't it? Peace of mind."

"Understanding is the only way to break down the walls mankind form around each other. It is a chain reaction Shinji. One man's time of peace is another man's time of struggle. You feel, guilt."

"Guilt? B-but why?" Shinji's eyes were full of concern.

_You tricked me. You lied to me. But I couldn't do it._

"The choices one makes is never for only ones self." Kaworu turned to him, speaking as obscurely as Shinji's head has been acting. "What people themselves choose to see will affect everyone who is around them. Hurt, pain, suffering. It all comes from another source. Happiness and pain sadly go hand in hand."

Shinji began to feel a sense of wooziness, fading in like a swell. "B-but people always get hurt." The boy droned, feeling a sleepy but in the most unusual nature.

"That is only true if people shut out the truth." Kaworu replied. "When people shut out all that is allegedly wrong in life, and do not deal with it, that's when the problems will never be solved."

"It's human nature to shut out what we don't want..."

"No," Kaworu insisted. "Human nature is what someone makes of it. Opinions can be too many things. But if we do not see beyond our desires, everything will be superficial."

Shinji staggered a bit, leaning against the ledge.

"I am telling you now Shinji Ikari." Kaworu patted his shoulder. "The truth is out there, but if you do not wish to find it that is your choice. Happiness is a lot of things. But the truth can never be manipulated in its purest essence."

"I'm scared of the truth." Shinji began to fall, Kaworu holding him up.

"Then don't find it. Just be happy. There is no need for you to struggle."

"But I wont' be happy without the truth." The black haired of the two's eyes felt so heavy, falling into the arms of the pale skinned boy besides him. "The world is my playground... but it's at the cost of the truth. Someone's... pain. I am hurting... someone."

_Please don't make me kill you. Let me understand why you are doing this._

"You were afraid to hurt me." Kaworu whispered into his ear. "That is why you are suffering inside Shinji Ikari."

"H-hurt you? I would never hurt you." Shinji's eyes went agape.

_Either pilot it or don't! He never cared about me. If he didn't need me he would've just let me drop dead just like mom._

"My father... he did the same thing. He ignored everyone else... just to get what he wanted. He never cared. This world... I am shutting out all the people that care about me... just to hide."

"Shinji..."

"I am turning into him..."

_You are loved._

_**Kill the Angel...**_

_We all love you._

_**Kill the Angel…**_

_I love you._

_**Kill the Angel…**_

"As long as you and I are both alive, things will never be the way they should be." Kaworu held him closely.

"It's so cold... it's so damn cold..." Shinji shivered, darkness and obscurity engulfing him. "Show me the truth Kaworu, no more... lies. I won't... lie anymore."

Kaworu frowned deeply, knowing of the problems that lie ahead. "If you want the truth Shinji, I'll show it to you. But I beg you not to see it. I do not want to."

"... Why?"

"Because the truth hurts. And I would never hurt you."

"Show me... please."

"As... you wish."

_I would never hurt you._

_I promise._

_Give me what's real._

Awakened. It was trouble. His tape player was silent. Shinji was now awake, eyes dilated to the point of near blindness. He knew what was coming, The End of the World. And this was going to be his fault. The images of the past months came flying back towards him in a rush to the mind.

The angel was in Eva Unit 1's hand. He was begging to be the sacrifice. Blood was ready to be shed, only to be stopped, the purple mecha letting the pale boy float in mid-air.

_Maybe angels like you deserve this world more then we do._

"I never killed you..." Shinji whispered weakly, looking up to ceiling of his room. He turned seeing the blue haired girl staring right at him, a doll like expression on her face. There was concern on Rei's face, but just like any expression it was faded.

"You've been asleep for days Ikari." Rei sat up, hands still crossed, eyeing the boy as she began to walk away. "There is much work to be done."

"... I know," Shinji gasped.

Kaworu, Tabris, the angel was still alive. The End of the World was here.

EVA – EVA –EVA

**A/N: **Cliff hanger! And unexpected huh? One more chapter and it is done. This is sort of an A/U to the End of Evangelion movie. This should be fun. Hopefully we won't have to wait another 3 months for a chapter! Woooo!


End file.
